The Open 2013: first round, as it happened | Scott Murray (2024)

Shiv Kapur, at -3 through 14, and Francesco Molinari, -1 going up 17, are the only players still out there anywhere near the top of the leader board. Time, then, for this report to close down for the day. Please join us again tomorrow morning. Nighty night!

-5:Z Johnson (F)

-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (F)

-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (F), Lehman (F),Kapur (14)

-2: Hamilton (F), Mickelson (F), Cabrera (F), Spieth (F), Woods (F)

No par saver for G-Mac: a final-hole bogey, and a 75. He's +4. And then Tiger. He's made some magnificent putts to save himself today, and this one's no different, a missable eight-footer which goes straight into the centre of the cup. As the ball drops, he almost sprints after it to grab it out the hole, a burst of energy which perhaps shows just how happy he'll be with that 69. That's the round of the day, no question, a determined fight in difficult conditions after a hellish start.

G-Mac sends a wedge to ten feet, giving himself good chance to scramble a par. Tiger clatters a long putt towards the flag from a distance off the green; he's got the pace, but hasn't particularly read it well, the ball breaking to the left and leaving a testing par putt.

The back nine's not being as kind to Shiv Kapur as the front nine. He went out in 30 strokes; he's already taken 21 coming home, and he's only just through 14, where he's just dropped another stroke. He's back to -3 now.

McDowell scythes his ball back out onto the fairway. Tiger decides to drive one up the track, setting it out to the right, hoping the ball will hook round and take a hot bounce onto the green. He gets the direction right, but no favourable bounce, so he's short of the putting surface.

Tiger ends his round like he began it, hoicking a tee shot into the deep stuff down the left. It only just slips in the rough, though, so he may get away with it. McDowell then hooks one deep into the nonsense, before trudging off after it with his head hanging low. There's a man who is tired of golf.

Tiger can't quite make his eagle, but a birdie will do very, very nicely. No birdie for G-Mac. Woods is now nudging the upper echelons of the leader board. Here's what it looks like:

-5:Z Johnson (F)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (F), Kapur (13)
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (F), Lehman (F)
-2: Hamilton (F), Mickelson (F), Cabrera (F), Spieth (F), Woods (17)

Any problems with the pin positions, Lee Westwood? "Well, they're on the greens," he deadpans, before breaking into a cheeky smile in response to some off-camera guffawing. "I wouldn't have had any complaints had you not mentioned it!" He then opines, with a twinkle in his eye, that Ian Poulter is "always moaning" and therefore shouldn't be listened to. Haw. Hero of the day.

Tiger is in the mood for this championship, I'll be bound. He splits the 17th fairway, then skelps a long iron into the centre of the green, allowing the bank on the right to take the ball round towards the hole. He's left with a 25-foot eagle chance from the back of the green. Magnificent. And an equally good approach by G-Mac, who dumped his drive into a bunker, was forced to chip out, and has guided a fairway wood into the green, off the same bank on the right, giving himself a birdie chance from 15 feet.

Luke Donald played the last seven holes in seven over par. He's just bogeyed the last, to sign for an 80. That's nothing short of abysmal, no matter what the conditions are. His playing partner Adam Scott chucks in a farcical finish of his own, three putting from the fringe. He scribbles his name at the bottom of a 71, level par for the day.

Tiger manages to get up and down from the back of 16 with minimum fuss. This is turning into a superlative round. No magical shots, birdie charges, and not even too many amazing escapes: it's just been trudge, plod, hack, a complete and total refusal to kow-tow to a difficult set-up and hellish conditions. It's what you have to do sometimes to win major championships. He's been the most impressive player out there today, and today's afternoon grind may reap some rewards in the morning tomorrow if conditions are roughly similar.

Sergio trudged down the 17th via many bunkers, dropping a shot. He's now shed another, three putting 18 to sign for a four-over 75. Westwood, who picked one up on 17, scrambles par at 18 and walks off with a one-over 72. He's not out of this yet, though his playing partners Schwartzel and Sergio probably are. Meanwhile on 14, shot of the day surely, Francesco Molinari creaming a mid-iron to a couple of inches, the ball finding the front of the green before rolling serenely up to the cup. He moves to -1.

Tiger's through the back of 16, where an up and down would be a pipe dream for most. It'll be a test for him, too. Up on 18, Schwartzel has found the bunker to the left of the green, and he can't get much of a stance in there. No worries; he bangs his club down as hard as he can, popping the ball up, and sending it curving left to right and into the cup for a birdie. He signs for a 75, a round that's cost him four strokes and a broken club. He walks off smiling, having the good grace to see the funny side of a hellish back nine.

Scott's another who has kept going: he's just rattled in a monster on 17 for birdie, and he's suddenly -1 despite not enjoying the best of the conditions. Kapur meanwhile responds well to his double bogey at 10 by sending his approach at 11 over the flag to 12 feet. But he can't knock in the birdie effort, so remains at -4.

Well, it would have restricted the damage to a bogey, but G-Mac has a B-rush to the Nog-in, and races a tiddler past the hole. In fact, he'll drop back to +3. Tiger remains at -1: he only has to tippy-tap his ball up the 15th for it to scamper all the way to the cup. Lovely judgement. If he pars the final three holes, or better, this will be one of the great battling rounds, a textbook example of how to go about one's business, as opposed to letting one's shoulders slump or getting a cob on. And he'll be in decent shape for the rest of the week, too.

Tiger's on the dancefloor at 15, a conservative approach to the middle of the green, its Tory heartland if you will. G-Mac's stuck his second in a fairway bunker, and can only send his third to the front of the green. He's got a monster to save his par, and so nearly makes it, an almost perfectly weighted rake up the green stopping by the pin. That'll restrict the damage to a bogey; he'll drop back to +2.

Right, well I'm going to hand back to Scott now, who is hopefully fed and watered and ready to go again. McDowell has tried to play safe on the 15th – and effed it up. Whereas Tiger has found the middle of the fairway, the big show-off. Bye.

Shiv Kapur has dropped a shot. In fact, he's dropped two. It had to happen eventually. Having found a bunker off the tee on the 10th, he bashed it out onto the fairway and then found the back of the green with his 3rd and left himself a 20-footer for par. He missed it, and then overhit his bogey putt from 5ft and drops back to -4 for the day. Oh dear. The back nine has found many a poor soul out today. Kapur will hope that it doesn't devour him. So, Zach Johnson leads again on -5.

Did I say Tiger had taken his foot off the accelerator? He's gone into reverse on 14, clocking his 40ft left-to-right putt about this far-------------------------------------- wide and sending it scooting off the back of the green. His rescue attempt from the fringes misses by a foot to the right, leaving him with a 5ft bogey putt that he holes. He's paid for his conservatism there.

Tiger has taken his foot off the accelerator on the 14th, opting to land his tee shot shy of the bunkers and then clack an iron to the front of the green, where a two-putt won't be easy. Meanwhile, Luke Donald, has had a back nine that could prompt him to head straight to the bar for a stiff one when he finally limps home. He's in all kinds of trouble on the 16th having already just dropped four shots on the last two holes.

The surprise leader, Shiv Kapur, has made par on the 9th to go out in a magnificent 30 and stay at -6. He's just simply got his head down and played golf. Lee Westwood, is gamely hanging in there too. He's scooped a bunker shot out to within 3ft on the par three 16th. He stays at +2. He shouldn't be anywhere near that score with some of the errant shots he has played. But his rescue game has been fantastic.

Evening. Gregg Bakowski here. I'll try to keep you up to speed with what's happening at Muirfield while Scott takes a well-earned break. Tiger's on it! That's what I can tell you. He's stroked in an absolute beauty on the 13th for another birdie, A left-to-right 35-footer. He's also looking as slim as he has done in a long while. That probably has nothing to do with his good form here, but I'm sure it's giving him a little more spring in the step.

An absolute beauty from Tiger, who is forced to perch on the side of a bunker at 12, his knee co*cked back, his body shaped like a treble clef. He splashes out to ten feet, as near as he could possibly get, and then drains the par saver. This is a simply stunning display from Tiger, who is refusing to let conditions at Muirfield defeat him. Once bitten, etc. Anyway, at six bells, here's how we stand:

-6: Kapur (7)
-5: Z Johnson (F)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (F),
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (F), Lehman (F)
-2: Hamilton (F), Mickelson (F), Cabrera (F), Spieth (F)

Meantime, I'm off for a quick cool down. (Which is what Charl Schwartzel needs, by the way, having just broken one of his irons in two after a wee toy-pram divestment scenario in the rough down 15. I suppose that's what four birdies in five holes does to a man.) Gregg Bakowski will see you through the next 30 minutes or so.

Martin Laird, having worked his way up to -3 at one point, slipped all the way back to level par with bogeys at 10, 13 and 14, but a birdie at 17 puts him back into credit at -1. He's only avoided the cut once in four appearances at the Open, but this is looking promising for the US-based Scot. Meanwhile Lee Westwood has been rattling home several long-distance par savers today, and he's just banged another in, from 20-plus feet up 14. He remains at +1. And on 17, the 2011 champ Darren Clarke sends a birdie putt into the cup at 498mph; he's level par here.

Another birdie for Adam Scott, this time at 13. He really is showing some mettle this afternoon. He's now -1. These players just need to dig in; they'll get the better of the conditions tomorrow, seeing the forecast is for more of the same. And along with Scott, Tiger's showing the way forward: he knocked in his birdie putt on 10, and now he's just birdied 11 too. Suddenly he's under par. Meanwhile up on 18 Spieth nearly strokes in a 15-footer for birdie, but taps in instead for par, signing for a 69. He's been fearless, in the trademark teenage style.

It's six in seven now for Shiv Kapur! He rolls in his putt on 7 for a deserved birdie, and he's the sole leader of the Open, -6 already! If he pars his way to the turn, he'll be out in 30 strokes. A birdie will see him become only the 13th player to play the front nine in an Open in less than 30 strokes. He needs to pick up two more strokes if he's to match Denis Durnian's record of 28, set at Birkdale in 1983.

Tiger can't be bothered a-feudin' and a-fussin', either. He's just clipped an approach to ten feet at 10 giving himself a chance to get back to level par. And Sergio, to his credit, is fighting too, which is something that can't always be said. He'd dropped shots at 8, 9 and 12, but has given himself the chance of getting something back with a pin-high tee shot at 13. Finally, our co-leader Kapur has just stroked his tee shot at 7 to ten feet, a chance to grab the outright lead.

For all the suffering, we have a new joint leader. Shiv Kapur, who has only ever played in one Open before, missing the cut at Hoylake in 2006, has just stroked in a 15-footer on 6 to move to -5. He's birdied five of the first six holes! Meanwhile on 17, young Master Fitzpatrick wasn't too far from making eagle, but tapped in for his birdie; he's level par for this championship! And 19-year-old Jordan Spieth, who made history last week by winning as a teenager on the US tour, has decided to eschew the song and dance routine performed by his elders, and is just playing some golf: he's traversed the first eight holes of the supposedly hellish back nine in seven pars and now a birdie. He's -2 for his first ever round in the white-hot heat of major links golf, with only the 18th to go.

G-Mac's in all sorts of bother down 9. Finding himself in all manner of bother down the right - in rough described as "fecund" with tongue-rolling glee by Mark James on the BBC - he's forced to take an unplayable, then fizzes his chip straight through the green. This could get very ugly. A little dink with his rescue club sails past the flag and way across the green. He ends with a double-bogey 7. Tiger plays it conservatively into the heart of the green, then taps an uphill putt from 25 yards which sails a good 12 feet past the cup. But he slides the par putt straight into the hole. "He's done that in true Jack Nicklaus fashion," says the very wise BBC sage Peter Alliss, of the 14-time major winner's battling qualities. "A few of them give up before they even get going."

A hell of a birdie for Adam Scott on 11. He could only just get his ball near the front of the green after powering out from a bunker. He rakes in the putt to get back to par. Lee Westwood just three putted that green to drop back to +1. And up on 18, Tom Lehman, the 1996 champion, rakes a birdie effort in from the front of the green, past the windmill, through the circus-themed chicane, and signs for a 68.

Louis Oosthuizen has had to withdraw, injured, with a recurrence of a hip injury. Or perhaps it's a hamstring problem, writes Dr Murray.He's shaken hands with his playing partners Woods and McDowell, who are now hacking their way down the 9th in a very undistinguished style, the latter especially so. "Memo to the disgruntled golfers," begins Steve Buist."Boo frickety hoo indeed. Mark O’Meara, who’s about 97 years of age, made it through at 4-under. So suck it up and stop your whining."

The 1998 champion Mark O'Meara parred 18 - his 30-foot birdie putt lipped out at super-slo-mo speed - and he's signed for a magnificent 67. Meanwhile Shiv Kapur nearly drained a 20-foot eagle effort on 5. Now's a good time, then, to have a look at the top of the leader board:

-5: Z Johnson (F)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (F), Kapur (5)
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (F)
-2: Hamilton (F), Mickelson (F), Cabrera (F), Lehman (17)

Quite a few wise old heads on that leader board, which may or may not bolster the R&A's course management argument.

Of course, Poulter may have a point. Tiger's putt is far from a gimme, despite the distance, and he dribbles his downhill birdie putt just to the left of the hole. It wasn't a great stroke, tell the truth, but it was a proper poser down the glacial green, and you can't really chastise the player too much for the miss. A minute before, McDowell rakes a 30-foot birdie effort up the green, and walks off with a smile as wide as his head. Moral: stay short. Peter Dawson would point to his course management argument here, but let's be reasonable people.

Poulter also says the pin position on 8 is "a joke". Tiger has just eased in an approach to four feet. ____________________________________

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Some space there for you to scribble in your own conclusion / joke / cheap jibe.

O'Meara has just raked in an eagle putt on 17. He's back to -4, a shot off the lead. Meanwhile the likes of Phil Mickelson and Thomas Bjorn have been having a wee chunter about the difficulty of the course. Ian Poulter, on popular mob rule site Twitter, says he's "beyond angry at the moment". The final hole "needs a windmill & clown face", he says. You can hear Paddy Power's marketing department going into overdrive, can't you. Anyway, Peter Dawson, head R&A honcho, has just been on BBC television basically playing a straight bat, saying he'll listen to what the players have to say, but also suggesting that it's a course management test, and if they can't work out the best way round, well boo hoo hoo. I'm guessing we'll not have heard the last of this.

Fluke Donald: He's out in 39, after bogeys at 1, 5 and 8, and now he's hacking his way down 10. Powering his second shot out of thick rubbish down the right, he sends his ball way left towards OB. But he's got Schwartzelian luck: the ball bounces on top of a stone wall, flies out of bounds, but then clatters off either an overhanging tree branch or the grandstand (I didn't see which, contact your attorney if this has caused you grievous damages) and back into play! That's hilariously fortunate. Whether he'll manage to save his par is another issue, of course.

This is like a US Open at the moment. The greens, dried out under a blistering sun, are like very tightly stretched trampolines. And to think the players would be bitching if the rain was rodding down. On 10, Sergio plants his drive in the nonsense down the left. That's nothing compared to Westwood, who has hit his 3-wood about 48 miles left, forcing him to clip a provisional after it. Naturally, that's in thick filth too. This is piss-poor, and you can't just be blaming conditions for it. Exhibit A: Shiv Kapur, who has birdied the first three holes to move to -3. Exhibit B: Francesco Molinari, who opened bogey-bogey but has bounced back with three birdies on the spin to sit at -1 through 5."Apparently Sir Nick was saving up all that prattle so that one day he could unleash it on American television viewers," quips Steve Buist.

The entire course has been cooked. The greens are insanely fast now. Westwood's just played a putt up the 9th green for birdie. The ball's just shaved the hole - then raced off 12 feet past. He can't knock in the return putt and that's a bogey; he's back to level par. He walks off the green wearing, somewhat understandably, a look of disbelief. Sergio drops a shot too; he could only find the fringe from a bunker 100 yards down the right of the hole, and wasn't able to get up and down. A triptych of misery is completed by Schwartzel, who sends a bunker shot to 15 feet, misses the birdie effort, and settles for a par, not the worst result after that amateur tee shot. They're all on level par at the turn. Meanwhile on 6 Tiger makes his bogey putt with a little tickle; he's back to +1.

So much for Adam Scott's dodgy putter. He strokes a 15-footer into the cup on 8, and suddenly he's back to level par. Meanwhile Tiger's in more bother. He hits a decent approach into 6, but it scampers across the polished-tin green and off the back. The ball nestles into a divot, which may or may not explain Tiger's misjudgement in bouncing the ball back up onto the green. He gets it to the top of the bank, only for it to topple back down. His second effort is only one turn away from coming back towards his feet again; he's very lucky that stayed up. He's left with a 12-footer for his bogey.

Magnificent nonsense from Charl Schwartzel on 9. He snap hooks a godawful drive out of bounds down the left - or so it seems. Just as the ball's sailing towards penal bother, it clatters into a wall and balloons back onto the fairway! What astonishing luck! Sergio meanwhile is back with a vengeance; from the centre of the same fairway, he takes a massive divot out of the ground with his wood as he sends a dreadful approach sailing into trouble down the right.

Bye bye Bizarrosergio! The old one's back! He's just missed a short par putt on 8. Hello, hello, we've missed you Sergio! He's -1 now. A birdie meanwhile for McDowell on 5, who has taken over the mantle of Steady Eddie. "The golf course is turning into glass now," says Sir Nick Faldo, which might explain why there's not so much movement at the top of the leader board as the day goes on. "I haven't got the touch any more," he modestly admits, which is fair enough, seeing he hasn't played a competitive round for over three years. Is Faldo the most under-appreciated sports star in British history? Six majors, he won. Six! And yet so strangely unloved. His failing, of course, is that he never gave a flying one about PR. Not a joule wasted on prattle. Which should really make the man a hero, but such is the way of the mob.

Martin Laird's lost some momentum. I should have kept it zipped. He bogeyed 10, and now he's just sent a simple wedge into 11, miles from the pin. He's not in danger of shedding another shot, unless he has a rush of blood with the flat stick, but still. Meanwhile Matt Kuchar's had a shocker on 7. His ball's plugged under the lip of a bunker; he should probably take a drop, but elects to dig it out backwards, moving the ball not much more than an inch. He manages to bang out, but then misses a short bogey putt. He's +4 for his round already through 7.

The 19-year-old amateur Jimmy Mullen has just signed for a stunningly good 71. I doubt he'll beat himself up too much about a dropped shot on the last hole, or at least he shouldn't do: that's a stupendous performance by the teenager. He's a shot behind Matthew Fitzpatrick, the 18 year old from Sheffield who is currently -1 through 11. Imagine being that young, and that talented, if you can bear it. What precocious brilliance.

O'Meara's just dropped a shot on 14, and now he's pushed his tee shot into deep nonsense down the left of 15. I hope the old boy's wheels don't come clattering off. But the course does appear to be in a more unforgiving mood than it was earlier on, baked as it has been in the summer sun. "Is this the best sporting Thursday ever?" asksGuy Hornsby, in an email that hasn't been sent exclusively to this particular report, I'll be bound."The open at Muirfield, with Sergio and Lee resplendent (ok, I can dream) on their way to the title, Miguel puffing away in the clubhouse with a large vermouth, while at Lords we have another rearguard action by Sir Ian Ronald Bell and Johnny Bairstow, and in France, Chris Froome's tackling the fearsome Alpe d'Huez not once, but twice in a single day? I can't remember a more majestic midweek day of sport in my memory. Can anyone else?" They'll have a job, I reckon. But I do know one thing: everything's so much better without football, isn't it.

Oh Lee! What buffoonery. On 7, he sticks his tee shot to the left of the green, leaving himself a proper poser, a bunker between his ball and the dancefloor, and not much in the way of green to play with when he gets there. So he looks to play a thoroughly Scottish bump and run, sending his ball scampering just to the left of the bunker. Unfortunately, the monster of Muirfield eats shots like that up for its supper; the corner of the bunker snaffles Westwood's ball, which is sucked into the sand. Chomp, gulp, belch. That was far too ambitious. But rather brilliantly, Westwood manages to get up and down from the sand, splashing to 12 feet then rolling in a very tricky right-to-left slider. Only a bogey. That was staunch. Sergioesque, even. Speaking of the man himself, he makes a common-or-garden par. He's going round very quietly, and extremely efficiently. Huh? It's Bizarro Sergio. It can't last.

Sergio! He's just trundled in a 30-footer on 6 to move to -2! That's a most pleasant development. He looks in good nick today, which can only mean one thing: yep, impending disaster. Best keep the auto refresh switched on. Back on 4, McDowell's not far from raking in a long birdie effort; he's been there or there abouts in a few Opens now, without ever keeping it going to the business end. Perhaps this is his year? I wonder how many people I can ask that question of. Meanwhile, the 2010 US Open winner's playing partner, Tiger, tinkles in a downhill putt on the same hole for birdie, after a majestic iron to 12 feet. He's back to level par. Perhaps this is his year.

There hasn't been a Scottish winner of the Open since Paul Lawrie in 1999. With Sandy Lyle +6 through 14, having just carded three bogeys and a double in five holes, and Paul Lawrie having just managed to take a quadruple bogey 7 on the 7th - he's +5 now - it looks like being down to Martin Laird. Just as well the Glaswegian is on his game today; after an opening bogey, he's birdied 2, 4, 5 and now 9 to move to -3.

It's been a dodgy start for the Master golfer Adam Scott, who bogeyed 2 and 4. But he's now picked a shot up on 5, and is +1. With these greens so fast and unforgiving, I'm not sure he's got a chance this week with that unpredictable and slightly shaky putter. "That's the thing about professional golfers, isn't it?" begins Simon McMahon, having been thinking about McIlroy for 36 minutes. "Even when they're in the worst form of their life, they're still at a level way beyond the wildest dreams of most of us. Take young Rory. Completely out of sorts, weight of the world on his shoulders, psychological meltdown etc etc, andhe still breaks 80."

In fact, Tiger can just wriggle his feet into the bunker, and powers his ball out. He takes a sackful of sand in the grid, turning and blinking furiously, thus missing his ball rolling to within three feet of the flag. What a superlative shot! Par. Thing people often ignore about Tiger, so metronomic has been his general brilliance over the years, is his almost Severianoesque ability to fashion escapes from ludicrous situations. Man's an artist.

The travails o'Tiger continue apace. He clips a wedge into 3, overcooks it by nothing more than one degree, and watches in horror as his ball topples off the back of the green and into a bunker. It's only just crept in, too, so he'll be facing quite the escape, with the ball against the lip and no stance. Meanwhile Schwartzel, who doubled the opening hole, has birdied 4 and now 5 to drag himself back to level par. Garcia, for the record, parred the par-five 5th after misjudging his chip into the green.

These greens are becoming treacherously fast. Cabrera putts down 18 for a birdie and a 67. His ball only just makes it along its 30-foot journey, then decides to scuttle off past the hole by a good eight feet or so! He can't knock in the return, and has to settle for a 69. Still, -2 for his opening round, three off the lead, isn't to be sniffed at.

The easiest of eagle putts, by contrast, for Alvaro Quiros, who sends his second at 9 to three feet, and taps in to move to -1. Making the same journey from +1 to -1 is the journeyman Ken Duke, up on 17. And while Westwood was never likely to rake in his long eagle putt on 5, he strokes a gorgeous 50-foot left-to-right effort to a few inches, and taps in for birdie. He moves to -2.

O'Meara has found another green in regulation, pin high at 12, and he's a dimple away from stroking a 20-footer in for birdie. He'll remain a shot behind Zach Johnson. Back at 5, Sergio finds the centre of the fairway, then pushes his iron to the green into the deep stuff down the right. He's so lucky that the ball takes one bounce out of it, creeping into the semi-rough instead. Westwood meanwhile finds the heart of the green, though he'll have an eagle effort that isn't so much a putt as an odyssey.

Over half the names on this leader board are American. With no major currently held by anyone from the States, maybe it's about that time.

-5: Z Johnson (F)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (11)
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (F), Cabrera (17)
-2: Hamilton (F), Mickelson (F), Fitzpatrick (8), Laird (7)

A few interesting names edging under par on the leader board. Lee Westwood we already know about. He's -1 alongside Padraig Harrington, Tom Lehman, the young sensation Jordan Spieth, and ... Sergio, who birdied 4. Leader board coming up, because Zach Johnson has two putts on 18 for a 66.

You have to hand it to Rory McIlroy. He's just been beaten black and blue by Muirfield, and yet he still comes out to talk to the media. "I sort of hung in there ... then let a few shots get away from me. A few silly mental errors that cost me. Just stupid mental errors that I shouldn't be making. If you're not in total control of your golf ball out there, it's going to be quite difficult." He appears very down. And chances are he won't be here for the weekend unless he manages something spectacular tomorrow. But he's bounced back from bigger blows than this, even if that 79 is going to take a while to forget. God speed, young man. And you have to hand it to Tiger Woods, as well; he splashes out to five feet, limiting the damage to a bogey. There are not many players who could escape from a predicament like that.

Tiger's found his ball. It's right by a small tree, so he's taking an unplayable and dropping it further back, in line. He batters his third shot into the bunker to the right of the green. It won't be an easy shot - he's near the lip at the back, on the downslope - but he does have a bit of green between bunker and pin to play with. Elsewhere, Westwood has just missed a dribbler for birdie on 3, O'Meara has dropped a stroke on 10, leaving Zach Johnson alone in the lead, and Martin Laird has birdied 2, 4 and 5 to wipe out an opening hole bogey and move to -2.

Tiger's on the tee! And immediately we're into the realms of komik kutz. Has he ever hit a good opening shot in an Open? Well, he's certainly not done so here, winging an awful fairway wood miles left, nearly out of bounds. He'll do well to find that. He hits a provisional, and that one's belted into thick nonsense down the left too. What a carry on! The world number two's just shot 79 in benign conditions, and now the number one is off on safari. You can't beat golf, in more ways than one.

Matsuyama curls in a lovely birdie effort to haul himself back to level par. Mickelson nearly makes his, too, but his ball scoots on five feet past the hole, and this time he can't make the par putt; that's a bogey, and he signs for a two-under 69. And McIlroy chips into the centre of the green, then two putts for a 79. He came back in 42 shots. He's +8. To put that into some sort of context, Tiger's infamous 81 here is considered the worst round of his career, and that was in the middle of a tempest, stair rods flying straight into his startled coupon. That's appalling from McIlroy, a nadir, and it really must be time for a serious rethink, if not a root-and-branch re-evaluation. This deal with Nike is turning into a PR disaster to file alongside Gerald Ratner, and a strategic decision not dissimilar to co*ke changing their recipe during the 1980s.

If Rory McIlroy was a horse, they'd be erecting a tarpaulin fence around him right now. He's currently hacking his way up 18, having dropped another shot at 17 to fall back to +7, tied for 114th place out of 122. His playing partners Matsuyama (+1) and Mickelson (-3) have both peppered the pin; McIlroy's managed to confuse the cameraman, so wayward is his approach from thick filth down the left.

"Just catching up here inCanada," begins Steve Buist, presumably from Canada. "In addition to his warmup cigar, if I’m not mistaken, it appears that Jimenez isn’t wearing any socks either. This man is my hero." He's going to turn up at the first tee one day in his dressing gown and slippers, isn't he. Perhaps with a newspaper under his arm. Incidentally, Jason Dufner has signed for a 72.

Lefty's in good position after birdies at 14 and 15, and he's so unlucky at 17, his birdie putt horseshoeing out and then racing off at speed. He's got to dig deep to knock in from five feet for his par, but manages it, and will go up 18 at -3, in prime position and good heart. Back on 2, Sergio is unfortunate to see a 15-foot birdie chance lip out. Westwood's got a shorter effort, but he misreads, the ball always going to stay out right from the second it left the blade. How many majors would Westwood have won if he had any sort of short game? And on 9, the on-fire O'Meara clacks a wedge to two feet and pops in the birdie putt. He's gone out in 31 strokes, and joins Zach Johnson in the lead at -5. Mark O'Meara!

Poulter can't make his birdie putt, leaving the ball five feet short. And then his par effort lips out. That is abysmal. The player himself would presumably agree with this analysis, because he co*cks his putter back, high into the sky, and momentarily considers battering the cover off the ball, which is sitting on the lip of the hole. Common sense eventually prevails, and after keeping the club behind his head for several seconds, in the style of 2013 US Open women's champion Inbee Park, he taps home for a 72. There's a round that promised much and didn't deliver.

The 18-year-old amateur Matthew Fitzpatrick birdied 2, and now he's nearly raked in a 40-foot eagle opportunity on 5. He'll have a birdie that'll take him to -2, a marvellous start for the young man on the round of his life. "Nike are having a rare old time of recently aren't they?" opines Ben Atherton. "What with your Armstrongs and your Tigers and now your McIlroys.And I missed at least three sitters at five-a-side on Sunday and guess which make of trainers I was wearing? Exactly, point proven."

Schwartzel is punished for his terrible opening iron with a double at the 1st. Sergio, keeping out of trouble for once, knocks in a solid ten-footer for his par. And Westwood rattles in his birdie putt. He has the good grace to walk off the green with a goofy grin on his grid, realising full well he could easily have suffered Schwartzel's fate on another day. Now here's a man for whom a major is well overdue. I wonder if that's the sort of thing that'll put him in the right frame of mind for the entire week?

Lee Westwood was this close to making the most unlikely eagle in the history of All Golf. His piss-poor drive didn't quite escape the thick stuff, and his second took a flyer, but it scampered around the left bank of the green and gathered towards the hole, nearly rolling in. He'll have a three footer for an opening birdie, which is far from a gimme the way Westwood putts; remember he missed one from a few inches at Merion. Ian Poulter's had it bad over the closing stages, meanwhile, with bogeys at 14, 15 and 16, but he's grabbed a shot back at 17 and is level par for the tournament. And now he's got a 20-footer for birdie at the last; if he can drain that, he'll be feeling a whole lot better about himself.

Els bogeys the last and signs for a three-over 74. It's already looking unlikely that he'll become only the eighth man in Open history to hang onto the Auld Claret Jug. Brandt Snedeker signs for a three-under 68; a second Open tilt in a row is on, if he can keep it going. And Justin Rose isn't going to follow his US Open victory with an Open win, if that first round of 75 is anything to go on.

Here comes Sergio, everyone! Now here's a man who could shoot 63 or 83. First Lee Westwood pushes his driver nearly out of bounds on the right, but it was such a bad shot he'll be on trampled ground instead of deep stuff. Then it's Charl Schwartzel, who takes an iron for safety and sends his ball, ludicrously, into the waist-high stuff. And finally Sergio blasts a fairway wood down the middle, just about. He gets a monstrous cheer when he takes the tee, the crowd perhaps thinking that having served penance at Merion for being such an eejit regarding Tiger, and appearing genuinely sorry for his rank stupidity, he deserves a shot at redemption. Muirfield's hardly a bastion of progressive thinking, of course, but let's not cloud the issue.

Two o'clock and all's not well! Ernie Els has just dumped his second shot down 18 into the middle of the grandstand down the right. That'll have clattered off some poor sod's noggin. What an end to the defending champion's round: a meltdown in the sand at 16, when he was trying to be way too smart in his escape, birdie at 17, and now this show. This is the great thing about golf: nobody can ever quite best it. Though Zach Johnson's been giving it a good go today, of course.

-5: Z Johnson (14)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F), O'Meara (7)
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (F), Snedeker (17), Mickelson (16)
-2: Hamilton (F), Cabrera (14),Tiley (11)

Only six names lie below Rory McIlroy on the leaderboard of the 114 to have started their first rounds. Anyways, Scott is back in the hole, you'll be more than glad to know. Enjoy.

Leading Englishman … is now Steven Tiley. He's -2 through 10. There's some respite for Justin Rose, who birdies the 17th and gets to +4, though his eagle putt just lipped out. Back on the first, here comes Tiger …

Double bogey for Jimmy Mullen and back to level par. Our bad.

Oh Rory. That something special fails to transpire, as his putt races past the cup on 15, then races a bit further on, then a bit more and then a bit more … into the bunker behind the green. That's one for the lowlights reel. He plays out weakly, misses the bogey putt and ends with a six. He falls to +6. Mickelson rolls in for a birdie, meanwhile, to reach -3.

A tale of two Johnsons. D pars the 18th and is in with a three-under 68 … Z finds a tough spot in the sand on 14. He chops out, but merely to the fringe and a likely dropped shot. The long putt comes up a little shy to the right and he'll settle for a bogey five, falling back to -5.

Rory was unable to birdie 14, and he's back in bother in a fairway trap on the 15th. He manages to find the front apron, but it's going to take something rather special to get down in two from there. Playing partner Mickelson fires a tasty approach in close, leaving him a short putt to reach -3. And what's this: another birdie for Mark O'Meara – that's him to -4 through the first six holes.

Els ends up with a triple on the 16th. That's him back to +3. "If Craig McEwan (1.25pm) doesn't know it by know, he will come Sunday," advises Simon McMahon. "There is no answer to Sergio."

Mercifully, reader Chris Lewis has his game-head on. "Jimmy Mullen is back up to 2 under," he writes. "Great story which shows you don't have to be rich to play golf. The members at Royal North Devon (the oldest club in England) paid his £140 so that he could take part in the local qualifying, hethen beat a star studded field in final qualifying to be at Muirfield. He's -2 after 9 and being criminally ignored by the BBC." He's out in 34 with four birdies.

Another sublime approach from Zach Johnson at the 13th leaves him a slippery 12-footer. It slides by wide left, giving him a little teaser back up the slope which he confidently holes. One hole ahead, Mickelson birdies to reach -2, but there's some strife for Ernie Els, leaving two bunker shots on 16 in the sand. His third flies well past the pin, a mild steam emitting from the champion.

"I have said this before, but big DJ must be the US's answer to Sergio," hollers Craig McEwan. "And while I'm at it, Vamos Miguel Angel!" And after three back-nine bogies, Johnson rolls back with an eagle at 17. He's back to -3.

Here comes Angel Cabrera, firing one in stiff at 11. That's a birdie and that's him to -3. Meanwhile, a staggering shot from McIlroy from the deep stuff wide right of the 14th fairway. He mows through the rough with an iron, keeping the ball low, but fading it majestically as it runs up from in front of the green, bearing right towards the pin all the while. It ends about eight feet from the cup. He'll have that to move nine strokes behind Zach Johnson.

Rose takes three more to get down – a double bogey six, propelling him downwards to +5.

Brandt Snedeker, playing alongside Rose, is having no such issues and he rolls in a 12-footer for a three and goes to -2. It still leaves him four behind, though, as Zach Johnson birdies the 12th to reach -6.

Such a glorious day at Muirfield. Not for Justin Rose, mind. He's on 15, fresh from a bogey, and back in sand, right at the bank of a greenside trap too. He chops out … into another one.

Afternoon. While Scott grabs a well-deserved break, Rory's only gone and stemmed the bleeding: pinging a tee shot at 13 to four feet and rattling in the birdie. He's now +4, just a stroke behind fellow day-one struggler Justin Rose.

And with that, I'm going to hand over to James Dart for a few minutes, while I nip off to drink a large glass of red wine and chew on a Cohiba eat a power bar and go for a run. See you soon.

Mind you, Rory's not the only one having something of a shocker. Justin Rose misses a simple par putt on 14, another dropped shot. He's +3. Dustin Johnson repeats the trick on 15, dropping back to -2. So this is the all-new shape of things at the top:

-5: Z Johnson (10)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (F)
-3: Jimenez (F), Tiley (8)
-2: Hamilton (F), D Johnson (15), Poulter (13), Cabrera (10), Mullen (8), O'Meara (4), Jacobsen (3)

If it's your day, it's your day. And it's not all about birdies with Zach Johnson: on 10, he rattles in a 30-foot par saver to stay in the lead at -5. McIlroy's not miles away from draining his bogey putt, of similar length, up on 12, but it shaves the right-hand side of the hole and that's a double. He's back to +5. He rubs the bridge of his nose and looks to the floor. He barely has the energy to lift his eyes from the turf. The young chap looks genuinely upset. We're not quite in Lisicki Territory, but it's not much fun to watch, either.

It's fingers through the eyes with Po' Rory now. His chip up the bank at 12 reaches the top; the ball has a quick look at the putting surface, then decides the rough was far more comfy and rolls all the way back down. That most spine-chilling of sounds, the gentle groan of pity, oozes from the gallery. His second chip flies miles past the flag. It's approaching the time for a root and branch re-evaluation.

Rafael Cabrera-Bello is only playing in his second Open, and last year's run-out at Lytham was distinctly unmemorable: tied for 81st. But there's a fair chance he could be the first-round leader today. He gets up and down rather well from the back of 18, trickling in a very missable eight-foot par putt, to sign for a four-under 67. He's the clubhouse leader. That's a fine round.

Bubba Watson doesn't have the greatest record in the Open for a player of his ability: two missed cuts, a top 20 finish and a top 30 finish. He's ticking along nicely today, though; back to back birdies at 12 and 13 have seen him move to -1. He's alongside Phil Mickelson, who had dropped a shot at 8 and is currently playing steady but not spectacular golf. He was threatening to go on the rampage early doors, but it's not quite clicking now; a very average approach into 12. Still, at least he's not suffering like his playing partner Rory, who has followed up that bogey at 10 with another at 11, and has just sent his approach at 12 down a bank to the left. The confidence regained just before the turn has quickly buggered off again. Some of his round today has been pretty hard to watch, mainly because he's carrying the weight of the world on his very young shoulders.

On 12, Poulter clips a short iron pin high to ten feet, a glorious birdie chance, but can't convert. He remains at -2, a shot behind his less heralded compatriot Steven Tiley, who is off at Johnsonian pace: birdies at 2 and 3, and now another at 5. Up on 18, Cabrera-Bello threatens to undo a lot of his good work, sending his tee shot into thick rubbish down the right, then battering his escape straight through the back of the green. An up and down from the fringefor par, and a 67, won't be beyond him, having said all that.

Jimenez pulls his approach at 18 into the Azinger Bunker down the left and can only splash to ten feet. But he's not of a mind to let an excellent round peter out totally, and smacks the putt into the back of the cup for his par, and a wonderful round of 68. He's the early clubhouse leader.

-5: Z Johnson (9)
-4: Cabrera-Bello (17)
-3: Jimenez (F), D Johnson (14), Tiley (6)

Angel Cabrera, erstwhile cigar lover and still very much one to proselytize for lightly charred Argentinian steak, means business. After an opening bogey, he birdied 5 and 6, and now he's just stroked a gentle iron to two feet on 8 for a third birdie in four holes. He's -2. MeanwhileCabrera-Bello gives his eagle putt on 17 a chance, but it's always staying high to the right and races a couple of feet past. He knocks the return in for birdie, and is alone in second at -4.

Cabrera-Bello's hit a simply wonderful second shot into the par-five 17th. He's landed it 40 or 50 yards before the green, bumping it onto the playing surface and leaving himself with a pin-high eagle opportunity from 20 feet. Snedeker rattles in a 25-footer on 12 to move back into the red numbers. And so much for the McIlroy-Stockton axis: he rushes through the ball on 10 and pushes a ten-foot putt to the right, dropping back to +2.

Poulter is so close to draining a 20-foot birdie putt on 11, but just as it looks to be breaking in from the left, the ball straightens up. Equal and opposite reactions, Poulter's knees buckle in irritation, but he quickly regains his composure and departs the green looking happy enough with life. And so he should, he's -2 for the championship.

Jimenez is beginning to run out of steam, which you could blame on the tobacco and red wine if you're some sort of body fascist or tedious fitness obsessive, but the guy's 49 years old, he's doing well enough. He finds the fringe at 17 with his second shot, but can't get up and down and has to settle for par. His round's fizzled out a bit, though a par up the last will give him a very respectable 68, and there are plenty of folk with gym memberships and bicycles with panniers full of broccoli who would settle for that.

Hello, who's this coming up on the rails? It's Jason Day, who started with a double bogey but has been chipping away ever since: birdies at 5, 8 and now 13, and he's -1 for the tournament, in very healthy nick. The Open is the only major he's not seriously competed for. If anyone in world golf is due a major title, it's this young Australian: he's only competed in 12 major championships, yet has three second-placed finishes to his name, plus one third, and another top ten. It's coming, and sometime soon to boot.

Rory is a turn of the ball away from escaping out of the front nine level par. He booms his second at 9 pin high, but his chip out is hot. Nevertheless, his Stocktonian putt from 20 feet nearly drops. He'll have to make to with a par, and remains at +1, but given how badly he played for most of the front nine, that's not a total disaster, and he looks much chipper than he did when coming off the 5th. Meanwhile Zach Johnson is playing some wonderful golf. He sends his approach into 8 to 15 feet, and would have been closer if his ball, arrowed straight at the flag, didn't take a particularly hard spring forward. He'll still have a good chance for birdie.

Two minutes, and that leader baord is already out of date. Thank you, my super soaraway Guardian Sport! Blame Dustin Johnson for this latest travesty; he's bogeyed 12 to drop back to -3, and did well to limit the damage to a single stroke, knocking in a very missable bogey putt from six feet.

And he does: Zach Johnson is the new leader of the Open at -5. You'll notice I didn't mention Miguel Angel Jimenez in the last entry; that's because his tee shot at 16 went flying through the green, and his attempt to get the ball close coming back was an appalling mess. It zips 15 feet past the hole, and that's a bogey. With the sun at its highest point, here's how the top of the leader board looks:

-5: Z Johnson (7)
-4: D Johnson (11)
-3: Jimenez (16), Cabrera-Bello (15)
-2: Hamilton (F), Poulter (10), Watney (9), Tiley (4)

Zach Johnson is the hot player here. He came close at the John Deere last weekend, losing the play-off to the teenage sensation Jordan Spieth, and has taken that good form over the briny to Muirfield. He's followed up that eagle on 5 by picking up another shot at 6, rolling in a birdie effort from 20 feet. And now he's just clipped a delicious tee shot at 7 to four feet. He's currently sharing the lead with Dustin Johnson at -4, but will surely take sole ownership of it in a couple of minutes.

Dave Stockton, who won a couple of PGAs back in the 1970s and wasn't far off landing a Masters and US Open too, is very much of the no-nonsense school of putting. No practice strokes, just bang the thing into the cup. He's helping McIlroy at the moment, and the method works perfectly well here, as the current PGA champion rattles a short but missable one into the cup at 8 for par, a decent result seeing he'd only just got his approach onto the front of the green. He's still +1, but it looks as though his spirits are up again after a thoroughly miserable opening.

Poulter might be of a mind that it's about time to win a major. He's through the back of the par-five 9th in two huge skelps, and chips back to a couple of feet for his birdie. he's out in 34, a fine effort especially after that opening bogey. He's at -2 alongside a couple of his fellow Englishmen, the Canterbury journeyman Steven Tiley and the 19-year-old north Devon amateur Jimmy Mullen, who has birdied 2 and 3.

Superb effort from Jimenez on 15. His second shot was highly decent, but there was one joule too many applied to it, and the ball agonisingly rolled into the bunker at the back. The co-leader splashed out delicately to six feet, then popped the par putt into the cup. That's a fine escape, a bogey would have been an injustice there. Meanwhile on 10, Rose's nightmare continues; he's in the thigh-high stuff down the right, and can only squirt his ball out into the semi down the other side. He's wearing his face in the pinched style.

Back-to-back majors aren't easy to come by, no matter what Tiger Woods or Padraig Harrington might say. Justin Rose certainly doesn't look like he's hot enough to follow up his victory at Merion with another win in the slams. He nudges a very uncertain par putt past the cup on 9 to drop back to +2; he's out in 38 without a birdie on his card.

Dustin's namesake Zach has just found the heart of the 5th in two, then stroked in a lovely left-to-right curler for eagle; he's -3. Meanwhile up on 7, finally a summery smile from McIlroy, whose tee shot lands softly into the middle of the green and gathers round towards the hole. He tickles in a little downhill left-to-right dribbler, picks his ball out of the hole, and acknowledges the crowd acknowledging his birdie. He's back to +1, some good news for - let's not forget - the young man. Hopefully a catalyst for better things.

Dustin Johnson, from distance at the front of the 10th green, is only a dimple or so away from taking the outright lead, but settles for par. Scott Piercy of Las Vegas, making his Open debut at the age of 34, so nearly drains a mammoth eagle effort on 5. He'll make do with birdie, happily so, as it moves him to -2 and a share of second place. And on 8, Ian Poulter, who opened with a bogey but has since birdied 3 and 7, keeps himself at -1 with a marvellous up and down from down a bank to the left of the green. A chip to eight feet, and a confident rattled par saver: he looks very determined, and very confident. Like that's news.

Cabrera-Bello makes his birdie as expected to move to -4. Todd Hamilton strokes in a missable par putt on the last to sign for a 69. So here's how it's looking:

-4: Jimenez (13), Cabrera-Bello (13), D Johnson (9)
-2: Hamilton (F), Watney (6), Mickelson (5)
-1: Fisher (F), Kaymer (10), Poulter (7), Fernandez-Castano (6), Matsuyama (5), Piercy (4), Katayama (4), Z Johnson (4)

Here's how the opening group of this year's Open ended up. Oliver Fisher's signed for a 70. He's the only one of the early starters in the clubhouse under par. The aptly monickered veteran Peter Senior, who hit the first shot of the championship, is in with a 73, while poor old Lloyd Saltman still props up the entire field, having scribbled his name at the bottom of a very ugly card of 79.

Dustin Johnson has rattled in another birdie putt, the big hitter sashaying down another par five in style. He's now joint leader of the Open at -4. Cabrera-Bello is about to join the easy-going American and his compatriot Jimenez in the lead. His tee shot at 13 lands on a hillock to the right of the green, then gathers round to a couple of feet. That's a delightful shot, letting the contours of the land do the work.

The two-time Muirfield champion Nick Faldo has just raked in a 30-footer on 8 to move back to +1. You never forget it, it never goes away. Jimenez has to settle for par on 13 after rattling his birdie effort a good eight feet past the hole. "I really don’t know how I’m going to contain my tabbed browser selection (or my job for that matter) when we get into the afternoon session and there is simultaneously: The Open OBO, The Ashes OBO and The Tour OBO," writes Kevin Casemore, suffering from a very modern malaise."I feel I’ll need to dedicate equal time to each one otherwise I’ll feel like I’m cheating slightly on the others. I even deliberated about writing this to you or Andy Bull, but opted for you as you’ve been putting the hours in. Keep up the good work." Why don't you go for a walk? It's sunny out.

Jimenez responds well to dropping his first stroke of the day, scooping a gorgeous iron into 13, pin high, half a chance of birdie. Back on 5, Mickelson gets in for par. McIlroy however drops another after blasting out of rough into a bunker, and only just escaping from the sand after battering his splash into the face of the trap. He can't get up and down from the front of the green, missing a par effort from six feet. "Oh wow," he shouts to the skies with one of those embarrassed smiles plastered across his boat. Just do it, that's the old Nike slogan. Well, they've just done for McIlroy's confidence. He's shot. He's jiggered. He looks a broken man.

An eagle chance for the 2004 champion Todd Hamilton on 17. He can't rake it in from 30 feet, but a birdie will do, as it takes him to -2.More sandy suffering for Snedeker, this time on 7, the American dropping another shot. Justin Rose manages to bogey 6 after hitting a sand wedge into the green from prime position in the middle of the fairway. And Mickelson plays arguably the worst chip of his entire career on 5, a gentle wedge from the centre of the fairway that dribbles apologetically into the middle of the green, but a mile from the pin. No realistic birdie chance there on a hole that's been offering up one or two eagles.

If Jimenez doesn't knock in that par putt, the top of the leader board could have a different look in a minute or so. Because Dustin Johnson, on 8, and Rafael Cabrera-Bello, up on 11, have both stroked in medium-distance birdie efforts to move to -3. And Nick Watney has just eagled 5 to climb to -2. And indeed Jimenez can't make it, the ball refusing to turn left as it trickles past the hole. He's back to -4.

Thomas Bjorn, two-time runner up, has just put his ball through the lens of a BBC camera while hacking out from rough. Oh me, oh my, or in the local patois, michty me. On 12, Jimenez is in danger of dropping his first stroke of the day after finding rough down the left. He can only blast out to the fairway, then chips to ten feet. And Snedeker double bogeys 6 after finding a fairway bunker and then misreading a short bogey putt; he's back to level par.

Jimenez is a couple of turns away from another birdie, this time from the fringe at 11. Mickelson can't make his birdie effort on 4; it was probably about 20 feet away, in fairness. Par. His playing partner McIlroy, who had started steadily if in a rather dull fashion, nearly rakes a birdie chance in from similar distance, but it skates past the cup on the high side. And then he misses the one coming back to drop back to +1. He's walking around with a little black cartoon raincloud over his head. It's sad to watch, the youthful, joyful spring in his step has - hopefully momentarily - gone.

The leaderboard has a very agreeable look to it at the moment.It features quite a few players who perambulate about the place in the relaxed, gentlemanly, devil-may-care style. Brandt Snedeker has just birdied 5, while Mickelson has just banged a 7-iron straight into the heart of 4 to set up another birdie chance, 12 feet from the cup. Here are all the good folk currently under par:

-5: Jimenez (10)
-2: Cabrera-Bello (9), Kaymer (8), Johnson (7), Snedeker (5), Mickelson (3)
-1: Hamilton (15), Aphibarnrat (14), Cink (11), Couples (5), Fernandez-Castano (4), Matsuyama (3)

Couples batters his second shot at the par-five 5th to the back of the green. Two putts, and he's -1. Another old boy - our leader Jimenez - knocks in a tricky par saver on 10 to remain three shots clear at the top, the second-placed Cabrera-Bello having dropped a shot at 9 to move back to -2. Way too early to be getting carried away, of course - but let's get carried away! Just say Jimenez was to win this, the precursor to a five-week wine-and-cigar bender, he'd be the oldest winner ever of a major at 49 years old, beating the equally laid-back Julius Boros, he of the "stately pace", by a few months. The ice-cool Couples, meanwhile, is 53. Golfing gods, are you working for us this week?

Is Phil about to go on one of his trademark charges? Because that putter of his is hot all right! His chip into 3 wasn't the best, bounding through the green and only just holding on at the back, but he strokes in a 15-footer for a second birdie on the bounce! He's -2. McIlroy, half the distance inside him, prods an uncertain effort towards the cup and the ball dies away to the left. What a miss. He isn't exactly exuding confidence at the moment.

The Japanese prodigy Hideki Matsuyama has already shown his worth at the Masters, last year becoming the first amateur to make consecutive cuts at Augusta since Manny Zerman managed it two decades previously. Now turned pro, he's started his first Open well, following Mickelson all the way down 2 for an equally impressive birdie. He's unlikely to make another on the similarly generous 3rd, but he's found the green in regulation and should at least make off with his birdie to remain at -1.

Dustin Johnson is due a major meltdown championship. And he's started well today, a birdie on the opening hole now followed with another at 5, the big man reaching the green in two powerful blows with ease, then only being a couple of turns away from stroking in a long eagle effort. He's -2. Meanwhile on 2, Mickelson arrows a delightful approach to five feet, then strokes the short birdie effort into the middle of the cup. He's claiming he's never putted as well as he's doing now, which raises an eyebrow seeing he missed a putt inside Doug Sanders range to win the Scottish Open last Sunday (before finally getting the job done in a play-off). The short putts have cost him so many majors, not least bringing his birdie charge during the final round of the 2011 Open to a juddering halt, giving Darren Clarke a clear run. Hopefully he's got it all sorted, as it'd be lovely to see him win this title, but you'd not put a whole load of money on his stroke holding up when the pressure's on.

Jimenez splashes out of the bunker at 9 with a yawn, then strokes in the birdie putt to move to -5. He's out in 31 strokes! This is a magnificent performance, and a wonderful advertisment for fa*gs and booze. Back on the opening hole, McIlroy scrambles his par, which will hopefully settle him down. Mickelson makes par too, in a ludicrous manner, missing the green from the centre of the fairway, leaving his chip 20 feet from the hole, and rapping in his par putt. You have to love Lefty.

They say the Open Championship was at its lowest ebb during the 1950s, when few of the big American stars deigned to cross the Atlantic to compete in the competition. But at least the thing was repeatedly won by greats like Bobby Locke and Peter Thomson. Ben Hogan won one too. So I wonder if the early-to-mid 2000s will go down in history as the nadir instead: The Curtis-Hamilton Years. They will, won't they. What an era of beige, nondescript awfulness. Anyway, the pair are both at -1, Curtis through 8, Hamilton through 13. As for another erstwhile annoyance, dreamwrecker Stewart Cink has reached the turn in 34, -2 for the tournament.

Rose and Snedeker pepper the flag at 3, but it's only the American who makes off with a birdie, the US Open champion missing a fairly simple putt. He remains at level par, Snedeker - who came so close last year - now at -1. Up on 9, Jimenez pushes his approach into a pot bunker, then ambles up the fairway kidding on like he doesn't care. He might not actually care.

Rory's stopped just short of the really silly nonsense, but that doesn't stop him getting a flyer from the rough. He's lucky his ball finds the bunker to the right of the green, because otherwise that one was landing firm and scampering off down the road to Edinburgh. Meanwhile shot of the day so far on 4, Couples stroking his tee shot straight at the flag to a couple of feet. At least I think that was a shot, the swing was so smooth I'm not sure anything actually happened. He'll be back to level par.

Rory is out, and he's ballooned his drive into the thick stuff down the right. That really isn't the start he was looking for. A better opening shot by Phil Mickelson, though, who has left his driver at home for the week. The Scottish Open champion splits the fairway, having finally sussed links golf. What a popular winner he'd be, especially after the poor old bugger's travails on the final day at Merion.

An eagle for Martin Kaymer on 5, the former US PGA winner stroking in a putt from the front of the green to move to -2. Up on 8, Jimenez so nearly rattles in his long birdie putt, but the ball horseshoes out and wangs off down the green. He's left with a tricky eight footer for par, but that's not a problem. Par. "Nice one posting the BBC classic golf theme," begins Simon Adelman."It takes me back to a 1980s Seve dominated golfing golden era: but on listening now found it disturbingly reminding me of the Love Boat? Just me?" Golf! It's exciting and new! Come aboard. We're expecting you. Jimenez would be in his element on the love boat, wouldn't he. Cigar on in one hand, glass of red and bottle in the other, bow tie rakishly undone. Come aboard!

Another of our preamble pals, the highly entertaining Kiradech Aphibarnrat, is making a wee move up the leader board. He's just stroked a 25-footer into the cup at 10, and the big lad's at -2. The go-for-glory galoot isn't hanging around to make an impression on his Open debut, having put in a fairly good performance at Castle Stuart last week. One that would have been a lot better than his 38th-placed finish were it not for a closing round of 75. Back on 7, Jimenez can't make his birdie putt and stays at -4. Now he's pin high with his approach at 8, but facing a long putt across the green. He'd greedily snaffle a par from there if you offered it to him.

This opening hole is causing all sorts of bother. Jason Day, who seems to come second in every major these days, started out with a painful double-bogey. The defending champ Els drops one, as expected. Faldo and Watson, for the record, both dropped a shot at the 1st too. Justin Rose, doesn't, though, displaying the tenacity that won him the US Open at Merion, another course that wasn't taking any prisoners. He found some thick rough down the left with his drive, but powered out to the front of the green, hit a long putt that trickled past the hole and then inexplicably kept going, then stroked in a very missable par putt. He'll be very happy with that, a proper nerve settler.

Life's not getting any better for poor Lloyd Saltman, who is propping up the entire field at +6 after a run of bogeys between 7 and 10. The 2001 champion David Duval is chasing after him, a double at 8 leaves him at +4. And John Senden, who has been involved at the business end of a few majors recently, has started poorly, an opening-hole double followed by more dropped shots at 2 and 3. A birdie at 4 picks things up a wee bit for the Australian, but he's +3.

When you're on, you're on. Jimenez has just arrowed his tee shot at the par-three 7th straight at the flag. He'll have a 12-foot uphill putt for yet another birdie. No birdies appear to be on offer back on the opening hole, though, as Els has hoicked his second into thick stuff to the left of the green and hacked his third a good 30 feet past the flag. That'll not be an ideal start for the champion.

Oliver Fisher looked to be throwing away all his early work. Three under after 5, he dropped shots at 6 and then 8, but he bounced back with a birdie at 9, and he's now just clipped a delicious approach at 11 to six feet, and rattled in the birdie putt; he's back to -3, a shot behind Jimenez.

They say there aren't many lucky bounces to be found around Muirfield, but reigning champion Ernie Els has just enjoyed one of them. His opening drive is scampering towards the thick nonsense down the right, but the ball takes a friendly kick to the left and nestles in the semi rough. Not ideal, but he'll take that. This is an astonishingly difficult opening drive, there's little wonder some chaps have been running up cricket scores. Meanwhile Simon McMahon wants to tell us about a dream he had a couple of weeks ago. "You know, the one about the Lions, Andy Murray, Chris Froome, the Ashes, Sergio winning the Op ... OK, stop it, stop it now. This heat is getting to me."

Whey shakes and ice baths my hat.Take note, kids! Jimenez's cigars and stretching and cigars routine really is doing the trick: he's added to that birdie-birdie opening with another birdie at 3 and then yet another at 5. He's -4, and there's a very Spanish flavour to the top of the leader board, Rafael Cabrera-Bello having opened with birdies at 2, 4 and 5. Cohibas all round!

With live coverage starting now on the British Broadcasting Corporation's second television channel, I should probably post this:

Also written by the drummer from Cliff Richard's backing band The Shadows: the theme to questionable trattoria-based sitcom Robin's Nest, as covered here by the bloke from Felt.

And what a start to the Beeb's live coverage, as the group of the day tees off: Nick Faldo (winner at Muirfield in 1987 and 1992), Tom Watson (victorious here in 1980) and Freddie Couples (no Open wins, but a triumph at Augusta isn't too shabby) make their way down the 1st. Sort of. Watson's wanged one into the thick stuff down the right, while the other two have found the semi rough. Good luck to the three legends, they may well need some of it.

Chris Wood thought he had it bad. Lloyd Saltman ran up a quadruple bogey on the opening hole. Four over after one! That's Flitcroftian. In fairness, he's bounced back well with birdies at 3 and 4 before dropping another shot at 7; he's +3 alongside Wood and the American Brooks Koepka, another player who has managed to rattle up eight shots on the 1st. That was the first hole the 23-year-old Koepka has ever played in an Open. Oh man. He'd come off the back of a very decent showing at the Scottish Open, too, a tie for 12th. But he's battled back with a birdie at 3. You have to wish these dudes god speed. There's more than likely a low score for someone around sunny Muirfield today, but that doesn't mean the course isn't going to give a few unsuspecting players an awful smack in the mouth.

The opening hole is already showing its teeth. The 447-yard par four has already been double bogeyed or worse five times, the hole currently being played on average in nearly 4.8 strokes. Chris Wood really didn't help the stats by registering an "or worse" triple-bogey 7. He's currently propping up the nascent leader board at +3 through 3. Wood won the silver medal for low amateur in 2008 at Birkdale finishing tied for fifth, and was a shot off Bambi Killer Stewart Cink and Tom Watson at Turnberry a year later, ending his first Open as a professional in a tie for third place. A similar finish already looks like a pipe dream, but golf is golf and you never know.

'Keep Fit with Miguel Angel'.Athleticism is ruining all sports, with the possible exception of athletics. For example, football fans can no longer dream of jumping the hoardings and running the game from the centre circle, pie in hand, Jan Molby style, while rugby used to be a whole lot more engaging when it was contested by pot-bellied policemen and half-cut solicitors with anger management issues from the Borders. I'm not wrong about this. But golf remains one of the few activities where folk aren't required to take ice baths and guzzle gallon after gallon of gluten-free whey shake in order to get on. With thanks to Lars Eriksen for the spot, here's Senor Jimenez, taking us through his daily fitness routine. If you look closely, he's got a cigar on. "There really is no finer way to start the day," says Lars.Absolutely. If it's good enough for the joint leader of the Open Championship, it's good enough for us. Pass the cutter, I'm off for a stretch.

Bad news for DA Points, Brendan Jones and Kiradech Aphibarnrat: the preamble is full of it. Nothing but snake oil. Fisher is now going the other way, having dropped a shot at 6. He's back into a tie for the early tournament lead with Ilonen - and Jimenez, who has back-to-back birdies at the opening two holes! Far too early to be getting carried away, of course, but let's get carried away. Imagine if Jimenez won. There'd be few more popular winners. There's a man who'd treat the Auld Claret Jug properly, utilising every facet of its design.

Miguel Angel Jimenez is another man who has started well in Opens past. He shot an opening-day 64 in 2009 at Turnberry, and now he's come wheeching out of the blocks again with an opening-hole birdie this morning. He's -1, alongside the man who wrecked all our dreams that year, Stewart Cink, who has registered a birdie up ahead on the 2nd. No, I can't think about the end of that tournament without a shudder either. That's me brought down off my first-day-of-the-Open high already.

Good news for DA Points, Brendan Jones and Kiradech Aphibarnrat: the preamble seems to be casting some sort of strange spell. The aforementioned Oliver Fisher, who has only finished higher than 35th in one European Tour event this season so far, and missed the cut in nine of them, has indeed taken his opportunity to break from the pack and make a name for himself. The young Londoner has put together the first few significant holes of the 2013 Open, with birdies at 2, 3 and 5. He's -3, a shot clear of Mikko Ilonen, the Finn having birdied 1 and 3. Just three more birdies, then, and Fisher will have that 65. No pressure. A ridiculously early leaderboard, showing the only players under par so far, would look something like this:

-3: Fisher (5)
-2: Ilonen (3)
-1: Stow (4), Wiesberger (2)

So, before we get properly under way, a few bits of assorted admin to tidy up.

1) The weather:Expect some decent scoring this week, at least from those who refrain from swishing the big stick around like a madman and avoid the rough. The sun's out for the first three days, it'll be a wee bit overcast on Sunday, and there's no great issue with high winds. Of course all that comes with the traditional Scottish weather caveat: aye, right you are, we'll see.

2) The course:Hard but fair. Gary Player, who won here in 1959, walks it with you.

3) I Think It Was Me Who Said dept. Recall Muirfield Opens past with this Joy of Six.

4)Raging bias disclaimer. This MBM will be rooting, and you'll just have to put up with it whether you like it or not, for: Tiger, Rory, G-Mac, Lefty, Jason 'The Somnambulist' Dufner, DA Points, Bubba, Dustin Johnson, the group consisting of Watson, Faldo and Couples, Sandy Lyle, and of course Sergio. There are probably others, too, but that's just for starters. It might also be impossible not to fall for Jordan Spieth, 19, who grabbed the last vacant spot on Sunday after slam-dunking a bunker shot into the cup on his way to becoming the first teenager to win on the PGA Tour since the year dot. He says he enjoys links golf, as he doesn't spin the ball much, flies it low, and likes using his imagination when chipping. "I'm just kind of free swinging," he yawns. Haw. You're in love with him already, aren't you. What if it's Spieth who shoots that 65 today, eh? Oh, come on, golfing gods, make this happen for us.

The first day of the Open Championship, and a chance for an unlikely hero to grab 15 minutes of fame. Here are just a few opening-round leaders of the past, folk who were never realistically going to lift the Auld Claret Jug come Sunday, but topped the leader board on Thursday evening and stole our hearts for 24 hours: Nick Job, Wayne Stephens, Greg Turner, Rodney Pampling, Tom Lewis, Michael Allen, Hennie Otto, Sergio Garcia.

Will a relative unknown emerge from the pack today, shooting 65 around a sunny and benign Muirfield to claim the headlines that usually evade them? DA Points, Oliver Fisher, Brendan Jones, Kiradech Aphibarnrat, your time is now! Or will one of the big boys hit the front from the off? Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy, Graeme McDowell, Adam Scott and the defending champion Ernie Els have all enjoyed first-round leads in the past, too, and all of them are expected to take a serious tilt at this year's title. There's only one way to find out, and that's by staying obsessively glued to events at Muirfield for the next 12 hours. Life's not so bad, eh?

Chronology of obsession:

6.32am: Lloyd Saltman, Peter Senior (Aus), Oliver Fisher
6.43am: Robert Karlsson (Swe), Todd Hamilton (USA), Ben Stow
6.54am: Thomas Aiken (Rsa), Kiradech Aphibarnrat (Tha), Bud Cauley (USA)
7.05am: Brooks Koepka (USA), Mikko Ilonen (Fin), Ashun Wu (Chn)
7.16am: David Duval (USA), Bernd Wiesberger (Aut), Chris Wood
7.27am: Stewart Cink (USA), Scott Stallings (USA), Richard McEvoy
7.38am: Miguel Angel Jimenez (Spa), K J Choi (Kor), Jimmy Walker (USA)
7.49am: Ben Curtis (USA), Shane Lowry, Rafael Cabrera Bello (Spa)
8am: Brian Davis, Jonas Blixt (Swe), Graham Delaet (Can)
8.11am: Robert Garrigus (USA), John Senden (Aus), Marc Warren
8.22am: Martin Kaymer (Ger), Garrick Porteous, Jason Day (Aus)
8.33am: Carl Pettersson (Swe), Jason Dufner (USA), David Lynn
8.44am: Bubba Watson (USA), Nicolas Colsaerts (Bel), Dustin Johnson (USA)
9am: Tom Watson (USA), Sir Nick Faldo, Fred Couples (USA)
9.11am: Justin Rose, Ernie Els (Rsa), Brandt Snedeker (USA)
9.22am: Ian Poulter, Keegan Bradley (USA), Billy Horschel (USA)
9.33am: Richard Sterne (Rsa), Gonzalo Fernandez-Castano (Spa), Nick Watney (USA)
9.44am: Rory McIlroy, Hideki Matsuyama (Jpn), Phil Mickelson (USA)
9.55am: Tim Clark (Rsa), Scott Piercy (USA), Kevin Streelman (USA)
10.06am: Shingo Katayama (Jpn), Zach Johnson (USA), Thomas Bjorn (Den)
10.17am: Angel Cabrera (Arg), Camilo Villegas (Col), Tano Goya (Arg)
10.28am: Ken Duke (USA), George Coetzee (Rsa), Mark Calcavecchia (USA)
10.39am: John Huh (USA), Brendan Jones (Aus), Hyung-sung Kim (Kor)
10.50am: Josh Teater (USA), Steven Tiley, Jimmy Mullen
11.01am: K.T. Kim (Kor), Steven Jeffress (Aus), Luke Guthrie (USA)
11.12am: Gareth Wright, John Wade (Aus), Makoto Inoue (Jpn)
11.33am: Y.E. Yang (Kor), Danny Willett, Johnson Wagner (USA)
11.44am: Thaworn Wiratchant (Tha), Lucas Glover (USA), Oscar Floren (Swe)
11.55am: Boo Weekley (USA), Sandy Lyle, Niclas Fasth (Swe)
12.06pm: Grant Forrest, Marcus Fraser (Aus), Mark O'Meara (USA)
12.17pm: Tom Lehman (USA), Thongchai Jaidee (Tha), Fredrik Jacobson (Swe)
12.28pm: Rhys Pugh, Justin Leonard (USA), Marc Leishman (Aus)
12.39pm: Kyle Stanley (USA), Alvaro Quiros (Spa), Alexander Noren (Swe)
12.50pm: Russell Henley (USA), Jordan Spieth (USA), Matthew Fitzpatrick
13.01pm: Michael Thompson (USA), Padraig Harrington, Richie Ramsay
13.12pm: Vijay Singh (Fij), Darren Clarke, Martin Laird
13.23pm: Ryan Moore (USA), Henrik Stenson (Swe), Steven Fox (USA)
13.34pm: Thorbjorn Olesen (Den), Jim Furyk (USA), Paul Lawrie
13.45pm: Harris English (USA), Geoff Ogilvy (Aus), Stephen Gallacher
14.01pm: Charl Schwartzel (Rsa), Lee Westwood, Sergio Garcia (Spa)
14.12pm: Adam Scott (Aus), Matt Kuchar (USA), Luke Donald
14.23pm: Matteo Manassero (Ita), Rickie Fowler (USA), Hunter Mahan (USA)
14.34pm: Peter Hanson (Swe), Hiroyuki Fujita (Jpn), Bill Haas (USA)
14.45pm: Tiger Woods (USA), Graeme McDowell, Louis Oosthuizen (Rsa)
14.56pm: Webb Simpson (USA), Branden Grace (Rsa), Jamie Donaldson
15.07pm: Francesco Molinari (Ita), Toru Taniguchi (Jpn), Bo Van Pelt (USA)
15.18pm: Brett Rumford (Aus), D.A. Points (USA), Marcel Siem (Ger)
15.29pm: George Murray, Mark Brown (Nzl), Justin Harding (Rsa)
15.40pm: Scott Jamieson, Gregory Bourdy (Fra), Shiv Kapur (Ind)
15.51pm: Scott Brown (USA), Satoshi Kodaira (Jpn), Gareth Maybin
16.02pm: Tyrrell Hatton, Eduardo De La Riva (Spa), Kenichi Kuboya (Jpn)
16.13pm: Stephen Dartnall (Aus), Darryn Lloyd (Rsa), Daisuke Maruyama (Jpn)